Why self-help books don’t really help

I’ve had the conversation about the self-help books so many times with so many people that I feel it’s time I clear some things for everyone. Self-help books and programs are really amazing and I’ve definitely learned a lot from them, but let’s take a look at what they actually mean: self-help means you get to help yourself, not that the book or the program helps you. They give you the tools, they even teach you how to use those tools, but if you are unwilling to make the effort and use them, don’t say that the book or the program didn’t work. It’s you who didn’t work. You are the one who read the book as if it was a piece of fiction, as if you were reading Harry Potter and the words were spells that had to change your life without you actually doing anything. But you know what, even Harry Potter had to learn the spells and practice them every day. So if you’re expecting the book to do the work for you, well, you’re in for a very very long wait.

When you decide to go to the gym, do you just go there, take a look around, get a juice at the juice bar and then walk out saying that exercise don’t work and that there’s no way you’ll get the body you want, or do you actually go there work out every day, every week and then you get to notice the change you make for yourself, in your body. Same thing works for improving yourself as a human being, you read the books and then you take action every day, work at it and you make the change happen instead of expecting the book, the program or other people to make the change for you.

So start today, be the change you want to see in yourself, make it happen for yourself and stop complaining that books and programs don’t work or that other people don’t want to help you.

What I learned today – What have you already told yourself you can’t do

I was in yoga class yesterday and there was this new guy right behind me, who walked in the room already decided about the class – it was going to be hard, painful and he wasn’t going to do most of it. After we finished the pranayama breathing, he started talking to his girlfriend (who was right beside him) completely ignoring the teacher, moving around and disturbing a lot of people in the process. Now the teacher is this awesome woman, who’s been practicing yoga for about 40 years and has been teaching for about 20, with a soft voice and that peaceful look on her face that only people with a peaceful soul can have. So she mentioned that there’s no talking and no disturbing of the other people and that the class is a moving meditation where you do as much of the postures as your physical body allows. And then the guy says in a very loud voice: “I won’t be able to do most of the postures!”. Keep in mind, this was his very first class so he didn’t even know what the postures were. And then I heard Georgia’s soft voice saying “What had you believe that you won’t be able to do them?”.

What I learned?

A lot of the times we decide the limit of what we can do before we even try doing something. We say I CAN’T a lot more times than we say I’LL TRY or I’LL DO MY BEST and we sabotage ourselves before we ever begin the game. And then we find excuses to reinforce that and we convince ourselves that there’s no way we could do that thing. I think that’s one of the reasons for which I think kids are so amazing. They don’t analyze, they just take action. Imagine if a child would analyze the effort it would take to learn to walk or to sit up straight. They would even try doing it countless times until it worked, they would just decide it can’t be done.

So next time you have a tendency of saying THERE’S NO WAY I CAN DO THAT, just say I’LL DO MY BEST TO DO THAT and see what happens. I’m willing to be you’ll be surprised.

What I learned today – A different perspective on jury duty

I overheard two people talking today about jury duty. One of them had to be there for 3 days last week and he hated even the idea of it. I realized that most of the people I’ve heard talking about jury duty usually hated it, are bored by it and they definitely don’t want to do it. They go there hoping to not be picked and to rush right back to whatever they were doing before that. Or even more, they find some valid excuse not to be there.

Now, for some reason I see that differently. See, I’m not a US citizen yet, therefore there is no possibility of jury duty for me so I actually think it’s fun. I’d love to be there in a room full of people that I don’t know yet, seeing different perspectives, getting new ideas, observing and at the same time getting involved, listening, talking. Yeah, there is a possibility I may have quite a romanticized view of what jury duty means, but I think it’s also because I don’t HAVE TO do it. There’s no letter coming in the mail announcing me to come to the court house (I think that’s where you have to go) so I don’t see it as something that I have to do, but something that I would choose to do. And I would probably have fun .

What I learned?

If we could think of everything we do in our daily life as a choice, as how can I have fun and enjoy doing this, instead of thinking: bleah! I have to do this and it’s going to suck! And I’ll even give you a challenge: think about one thing that’s really sitting on your nerves, something that you think you have to do and you’re making a big deal about NOT WANTING TO DO IT, but HAVING TO. And after you find that, think about how you could find joy out of it, how you could have fun and how you could make it work for you. Then tell me what happens. Or don’t. But at least observe it. See how it works for you and then see which version you want to choose: the HAVE TO or the THIS IS GOING TO BE FUN.

What I learned today – Daylight Savings and the Human Touch

Since I got such amazing feedback from so many people about the post with 10 things I learned, I decided to start a series of daily short blog posts with what I learned today, so here goes.

Daylight savings – my computer changed the hour by itself, my iPhone did the same, but my watch didn’t. Now let me explain this. It’s an atomic watch that synchronizes the time and date with some satellite according to the timezone I’m in, has a solar battery and according to its manual (which I had to read because I couldn’t figure out how to set it) you only have to set it once and then it stays set for life, no adjustments, no worries about having the exact time, changing the battery, bumping it against … well against anything considering it’s shock resistant or having it breathe underwater since it’s resistant for up to 660ft. So a miracle of technology hanging on my wrist that somehow knows how to do everything automatically except switch to daylight savings.

What I learned?

I learned that no matter how much we go on automatic and no matter how much we look like we have things under control, we all need the human touch, the human connection that fine tunes us, that makes us reach inside the deepest corner of our souls and allows us to be better, to be amazing human beings, creating amazing connections and remembering that as much as we need or are used to some kind of mechanical automatic life, if we don’t get the occasional human touch, we just become…stuck in the wrong timezone…

10 things I learned

In the past couple of months I’ve been doing a lot of coaching, counseling and mentoring and have been also coached, counseled and mentored by some amazing people and here are a few things I learned:

1. You can’t do for people what they are unwilling to do for themselves.

2. Some people like going though the motions, talking about it, sometimes complaining about it, but never taking any action to change.

3. To be a great coach, you need to listen, listen, listen (but not get enrolled in the story), be patient, patient, patient and be willing to not be liked at times … those times when you call people on the habits that are not really working for them, but are keeping them in that comfort space.

4. Without action there will never be any change…talking is good, but doing is so much better.

5. Never let a lie or an excuse go unchallenged. The more you allow the excuses, the more you support the other person in staying the same or even getting worse.

6. Sometimes the best support you can give doesn’t look like support at all and sometimes what looks like help is actually disabling and dis-empowering.

7. The learning process is different for everyone. Some people get it in the first 5 seconds, some people get it in a life time and some people just need a different approach, but everyone can learn no matter how old or how young, no matter the background or the beliefs. Give people the space and the support they need to learn.

8. Whatever you try, never ever, under any circumstances stop believing in people . Try a different way, try 10 000 different ways, but continue trying.

9. You can’t teach what you don’t live. Telling someone about the unique value of every human being means nothing if you don’t value every human being, if you don’t believe that we all matter and we are all worth it.

10. Every single person in this world can teach you something. See the possibility and the potential in every person, every animal and every plant. There’s a reason for which everything in nature lives in harmony and we can all learn from that.

Sending all of you high love energy vibrations to support you in being you best and most amazing self…the one you know you can be, but sometimes you need to be reminded .